Grief, Loss and Finding Meaning after Brain Injury

Grief doesn’t only happen after someone dies. Brain injury often brings deep, ongoing grief for both survivors and those who care for them. Permanent changes caused by brain injury can lead to a range of painful feelings associated with loss. Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross identified five common stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. The stages don’t always have a particular order, and people may move through them more than once.

The 5 Stages of Grief After Brain Injury

• Denial The loss of abilities, roles, or relationships can feel overwhelming. Denial can serve as a short-term way to cope by minimizing the emotional burden.
• Anger With so many life changes to process, anger may serve as an outlet. It may be directed at oneself, at others, or at circumstances.
• Bargaining In this stage, a person may try to mentally negotiate to strive to find a way out of their pain. Thoughts like “If I do this, maybe things will go back to how they were.”
• Depression As the reality of the loss sets in, sadness and grief become more present. This is often when the emotional fog lifts and the full weight of change is felt.
• Acceptance This stage happens when someone fully understands the reality of the situation and stops trying to change it. From here, they can move forward and find a new direction.

According to David Kessler, author of Finding Meaning: The Sixth Stage of Grief, acceptance is crucial to one’s ability to move forward after loss. He also suggests that our thoughts play a major role in shaping meaning out of tragedy and loss. Each of us has a choice in how we respond to loss.
Below are some ways to move forward:

• Allow yourself to grieve. The stages may be revisited throughout the process.
• Find ways to process. Talk with a therapist, journal thoughts, or express grief creatively.
• Remember your values. Ask yourself: what still matters to me, even after this loss?
• Tell your story. Sharing your story helps you process it — and it may help others feel less alone.
• Share your grief. Talking with people who understand can bring comfort and connection
• Help others. Many people find that helping others brings healing and purpose.

Joy Koeppen, LCSW, CBIS
Mental Health Counseling Department