this is the archive page

December Connections

Support groups can provide a sense of community and identity for survivors and caregivers.

Our calendar of December groups can be viewed here: https://braininjurysvcs.org/events/month/2021-12/

In addition to the programs provided by Brain Injury Services for our clients and caregivers, below are groups and programs available in the community.

The programs below are not hosted by Brain Injury Services.

Wednesday, December 1
12 PM
BIAV Virtual Caregiver MeetingBrain Injury Association of Virginia is offering caregivers a safe place to receive support, strength, and share their experiences with others in the same position. Every first Wednesday of the month. 
Contact: Debra at debra@biav.net
Monday, December 6
6:30 – 8 PM  
Fredericksburg Stroke Support GroupFree monthly support group for stroke survivors and caregivers. Every first Monday of the month.
Contact: Susan Halpin at 540-741-4815 or Susan.halpin@mwhc.com
Mondays
2 – 4 PM
Living With Brain Injury Support GroupThe Living with Brain Injury group is a unique and supportive community of individuals recovering from BI. This support group is intended to improve our recovery experience through respectful sharing and connective experiences. Eligibility: current Brain Injury Service clients.
Contact: Rachelle Price at mawmaw6019@gmail.com
Tuesday, December 7
7 – 8:30 PM
 
Inova Fairfax Stroke Survivors and Caregivers Support GroupShare your story and help others. Learn about reducing the risk for stroke and find community services available to you. Every first Tuesday of the month. Caregivers welcome.
Contact: Laura Buhler at 703.776.3030 opt 2 or laura.buhler@inova.org
Thursday, December 16
4 – 5 PM  
Stroke & Brain Injury Support GroupA support group where you can share your personal experiences, listen to others who have a history of stroke/brain injury, and learn new research and information. Every third Thursday of the month.
Contact: Hannah Balberde at 703-957-2039 or Hannah.Balberde@Encompasshealth.com
Tuesday, December 21
12 – 1:30 PM
 
Trauma Survivors Network TBI Support GroupThe Trauma Survivors Network (TSN) TBI Support group is a monthly support group for survivors and caregivers offering support, coping skills, and education to attendees. Every third Tuesday of the month (currently virtual).
Contact: Shira Rothberg at 703-776-4930 or shira.rothberg@inova.org
Tuesday, December 27
6:00 PM
BIAV Virtual Support GroupBrain Injury Association of Virginia offers a group for people living with brain injury, their family, and friends. The group is a safe place to explore the challenges of brain injury and exchange ideas and information with others who really “get it.” Every fourth Tuesday of the month.
Contact Christine Baggini at christine@biav.net
Peer Run What’s Cooking Text GroupWhat’s Cooking crockpot text group through WhatsApp for sharing recipes and crockpot support. 
Contact: Melinda Reed at 703-242-3628 or revmreed@aol.com
Thursdays
2 – 4 PM  
Peer Run Bible Study GroupContact Samson Abebe at (571) 201-4275 or samsonabebe672@gmail.com
Young Adult KnightsIf you are between the ages of 18-30 and want to make connections and friends in a relaxed fun atmosphere then please join us. The social group meets once a month via Zoom to play online games and have virtual movie nights. Young Adult Knights is facilitated by the ENDependence Center of Northern Virginia.
Contact Michelle Williams at 703-719-1379 or michellew@ecnv.org
Mondays
Jan 10 – Feb 14
3 – 5 PM
Love Your Brain Caregiver RetreatBecoming a caregiver impacts life in many ways — responsibilities, beliefs, hopes, expectations, and relationships. Through Love Your Brain’s pillars of mindfulness, movement, and community, this online retreat will support you to cultivate greater awareness in your role as a caregiver.
Learn more at https://www.loveyourbrain.com/attend-a-virtual-caregiver-retreat

this is the archive page

BIS Helps US Veteran Sam Miller Navigate Invisible Disabilities Caused by a Stroke

Sam Miller is a United States Navy Veteran who served in the Gulf War and the Middle East from 1988 to 1992. For nearly 20 years following, Sam worked as a web developer for private companies, associations, nonprofits and government agencies. He enjoyed ballroom dancing, traveling, exploring the outdoors and was a gym enthusiast. At 50, Sam suffered a stroke that caused damage to his brain that resulted in a blind spot in his upper left quadrant of the visual field in both eyes. He likes to describe it as, “the software was damaged but the hardware still worked.” 


Ten months after his stroke, he adjusted to his blindspot and began navigating web development. However, two cataract surgeries set him back and exacerbated his sight symptoms, damaging what he refers to both “the software and the hardware.”

Sam Miller Navy Headshot

Without family nearby for support, he reached out to several organizations for help. His search led to a local Veterans Association chapter, which referred him to Brain Injury Services (BIS). He worked with a few case managers, and most recenlty he’s been working with Raisa Velez, Veteran Case Manager, who has been absolutely terrific and supportive in always trying to find resources to help him with his goals.

Sam has “invisible” disabilities that are not visually obvious, including a 25 percent loss of eyesight, sensitivity to light, and chronic fatigue. With the help of Raisa, Sam has developed a daily routine that allows him to feel productive throughout the day and gives him a chance to catch a break when the fatigue settles in. BIS also put him in touch with the Virginia Department for Aging and Rehabilitative Services and is exploring a vocational rehab program. Still passionate about web development, Sam keeps up with the web technology and has built mock websites to keep up the practice. He created a website (https://iimagine-websolutions.com/) to market his next big goal of becoming a web development consultant for small businesses or nonprofits. He believes a consultant business model would allow him to earn a modest income while working with clients who want an experienced web developer and understand the challenges of his disabilities and need for flexible hours and production timelines. 

He says that even though it’s been a rough road it gets better. He would like to share with other people with a Traumatic Brain Injury (TBI), particularly stroke survivors, that although it might seem hopeless at first it gets better and the healing never stops.  “I thought it was game over and I would never program again and now I’m up and energized working two hours a morning before I move on to errands for the day.  I never thought I would program again and was so distraught.” He encourages others with a TBI to seek out support and never stop trying.  He says, “We can’t do what we used to, so we have to create the new person by finding something you used to do that you still can and something new that interests you.”  It’s the combination of holding onto a piece of the old you and creating a new part I think that helps the healing process. 

this is the archive page

Brain Injury Services Appoints Erin O. Mattingly as New Board Chair and Paul N. Kashchy as Vice Chair

SPRINGFIELD, VA – Brain Injury Services, a nonprofit located in Northern Virginia supporting people with traumatic brain injuries (TBIs), announces the appointment of its new Board Chair, Erin O. Mattingly of Washington, D.C., and new Board Vice Chair, Paul N. Kashchy of Herndon, VA.

“We are thrilled that Erin and Paul were elected into the Board as incoming chair and vice chair,” said Denise Hyater, Executive Director, Brain Injury Services. “Erin brings more than 15 years of specialized professional experience treating patients across the continuum of brain injury severity, from mild to severe injury, in both civilian and military populations. She understands our clients’ needs and how we might improve our programs and services to deliver our best. Together with Paul’s leadership, community ties and expertise in financial management, I believe we have two strong leaders who will help our organization continue to grow.”

Mattingly is a speech-language pathologist (SLP), strategic consultant, TBI subject matter expert, and the Director of Strategic Development at Loyal Source Government Services, a professional management consulting and staffing firm. In her role as a consultant, she has worked on a variety of White House and Cabinet-level initiatives focused on suicide prevention and mental health across the Nation. Prior to her role as a consultant, Ms. Mattingly started the SLP program at a unique Department of Defense facility, specializing in the evaluation and treatment of Service members with mild traumatic brain injury and psychological health disorders.

She has served in a variety of leadership positions across brain injury and SLP organizations, including the Academy of Certified Brain Injury Specialists (ACBIS), the Academy of Neurologic Communication Disorders and Sciences (ANCDS), and the Neurogenic Communication Disorders Special Interest Group of the American Speech-Language-Hearing Association (ASHA). She has multiple publications and presents at the state and national level on the treatment and evaluation of survivors of brain injury in military and civilian populations.

“In my role as BIS’ board chair, I am committed to leveraging my subject matter expertise and resources from the field to guide the board and the executive team in ensuring that we deliver on the organization’s mission of empowering those impacted by a brain injury,” said Mattingly.

Mattingly graduated from the University of Virginia with a Bachelor of Science in Education and the Ohio State University with a Masters in Communication Disorders. Mattingly holds her ASHA certification in speech-language pathology, her license to practice speech-language pathology in Washington, DC, and is a Certified Brain Injury Specialist.

Paul N. Kashchy is a Vice President and Senior Business Banking Relationship Manager for City National Bank. Before that, he was the Vice President and Business Relationship Manager with Atlantic Union Bank. Paul’s role at the bank requires him to be in the field working his clients and providing solutions for their commercial banking needs while executing the bank’s goals and strategies. Paul works primarily with non-profits, professionals, associations and government contractors.

“I’m looking forward to working with Denise, Erin and the BIS board and contributing my experience in the areas of financial management, budgeting, and analytics,” said Kashchy. “It is my hope to introduce BIS to the clients and partners I currently work with and build and strengthen more overall business support from the community during my tenure as vice chair.”

Prior to Atlantic Union Bank, he was with Capital One Bank in a similar Relationship Manager role and served as a Market Manager with Capital One / Chevy Chase Bank, where he was responsible for the development and growth of multiple bank branches. Paul’s dedication to his team and clients was exemplified by the number of associate and customer lives he impacted, during his time in the branches.

Paul lives in Herndon, VA with his wife, 2 kids, dog and cat. Paul also serves as a local community leader as the Treasurer for the local Cub Scout pack, coach’s baseball and volunteers with his children’s school PTO Association.

About Brain Injury Services

Since 1989, Brain Injury Services has taken a leadership role in developing community-based programs and services for residents of Northern Virginia, Fredericksburg and surrounding counties who have experienced a brain injury. Our mission is to empower those impacted by brain injury through core programs including person-centered case management, assistive technology, vocational rehabilitation, club house/day programs, caregiver/family supports. Each year we serve over 1,000 individuals that include adults, children, and veterans.

this is the archive page

Brain Injury Services Announces Andrew Gunn-Wilinski as New Director of Development

SPRINGFIELD, VA – Brain Injury Services (BIS), a nonprofit located in Northern Virginia supporting people with traumatic brain injuries, announced today the appointment of Andrew Gunn-Wilinski, as the new Director of Development, effective immediately.

“Andrew brings to BIS a wealth of fundraising experience and is eager to expand our reach to donors in the region,” said Denise Hyater, Executive Director, Brain Injury Services. “We’re excited to have him as part of the team and look forward to celebrating the milestones he achieves to help grow capacity for our programs, services, and ultimately, the people we serve.”

Gunn-Wilinski comes to Brain Injury Services with an extensive background in development operations. Most recently, he served as vice president of development operations at the Akilah Foundation for Women as it began a goal of dramatically scaling its unique educational program in Rwanda into Asia and North East Africa. Previous to that role, he was the Senior Director of Development at the George Washington (GW) University, where he was a significant contributor to GW’s $1B Making History Campaign.

“As a community member of Northern Virginia, I’m thrilled to be part of an organization that is supporting neighbors who are navigating traumatic brain injuries,” said Gunn-Wilinski. “I look forward to fostering the relationships BIS has already established, while creating new relationships with individuals, small business and corporate donors who believe in our mission.”

Gunn-Wilinski holds a BSBM from the University of Phoenix with course work in Organizational Performance Improvement at George Washington University.

For more information about Brain Injury Services, please visit: https://braininjurysvcs.org/.

About Brain Injury Services

Since 1989, Brain Injury Services has taken a leadership role in developing community-based programs and services for residents of Northern Virginia, Fredericksburg and surrounding counties who have experienced a brain injury. Our mission is to empower those impacted by brain injury through core programs including person-centered case management, assistive technology, vocational rehabilitation, club house/day programs, caregiver/family supports. Each year we serve over 1,000 individuals that include adults, children, and veterans.

this is the archive page

A Father’s Day that May Not Have Been

Dear Brain Injury Services:

As I prepare to celebrate my 24th Father’s Day, I can’t help but think about how far my family and I have come with the help of Brain Injury Services, and I just wanted to reach out in honor of my son, Daniel.

At just five years old, in the summer of 2003, Daniel began his day by taking in the cool breeze across his face in his grandparent’s vehicle on their way to get breakfast. Moments later, he would be airlifted to UVA hospital, and we would be given a grim prognosis. Daniel had suffered unimaginable trauma to his body. More than that, he suffered a closed head injury that would alter the course of our lives.

Over the course of the next year-and-a-half, Daniel slowly transitioned his way out of a coma to intensive care and on to therapists that would help him re-learn how to walk, talk, eat, and take care of himself. Initially, doctors told us that he wouldn’t make it. If he did, he would never walk and talk again. Daniel defied everyone and made good use of his wheelchair and his walker, eventually leaving the rehabilitation center and walking on his own.

Our job was to see to it that Daniel got the best care and attention we could possibly give. For me, as his father, that meant realizing that I also had some stepping up to do. There’s no instruction manual for survivors but, luckily, we found Brain Injury Services, and it’s been a game-changer!

Daniel joined the PALS (Providing A Link for Survivors) program and looks forward to every meeting with his PALS volunteer. Daniel’s participation in PALS gives him a social connection that he wouldn’t otherwise feel comfortable making and shows him that there are others out there who may share his interests. Still inspired by my son’s recovery, I became active in the PALS program a few years back. Daniel has taken advantage of BIS’ job coaching opportunities, case management abilities, and other support opportunities that he wouldn’t otherwise have if not for BIS. I can’t tell you how it feels to hear Daniel say, “hey dad, I have a meeting with Brain Injury Services in a few minutes.”

My family knows we are not alone. BIS has support groups for survivors and caregivers. I know that I can talk to a staff member that cares about Daniel and know that whenever we hit a speed bump or need a bit of guidance, BIS is there.

I wasn’t supposed to have this Father’s Day with him, or the last 19, and although Daniel doesn’t realize it, he still inspires me every day. He made me the father I am.

Father’s Day is really a celebration of Daniel and his siblings for me, and in honor of that I choose to celebrate Brain Injury Services for every father able to thank BIS for being there for them.

Thank you, Brain Injury Services!

Michael Dean
Father of Daniel Dean, Survivor

this is the archive page

They Say Patience is a Virtue… I’m Still Learning How to be Virtuous

My name is Jan DeLucien. My brain injury was a trauma, for others it’s medical. Mine was 3 and a ½ years ago. 

In the beginning….. before my “new life” began … I lived my bliss, I was a system analyst (techie) for over 30 years. Loved my job and used my brain A LOT…  even my hobbies. All that defined me – I WAS a software tester and genealogist for 30 years, and a singer songwriter since I was 11. 

What happened? I had just come back from the grocery store and was thinking of 3 other things. I pulled the first load of groceries together in the back seat of the car, backed out of the car fast and stood straight up into the sharp corner of the car door.

In a single moment, the person I thought I was no longer existed, and I didn’t even know it yet. 

I was badly stunned, but no stars, loss of consciousness, didn’t even break the skin! But, I was nauseous, and my right eye was very bright and blurry. So off to the ER. My CT was perfectly normal – no fractures, internal bleeding or swelling. I was diagnosed with a minor head injury. The biggest concern was the blurriness and brightness which wasn’t going away.  

I got the usual “Rest your head – no TV, phones, or computers for 48 hours. The eye should be better in about 24, but if not, see an eye doctor.” It wasn’t, so I did. He said the eye and nerves were fine, that it was a concussion and to go back to the ER and get the diagnosis. That it might take a while to get better. The next day, the ER did another CT scan – “Normal”, again, but he agreed I had a concussion.. “Give it another week or two of taking it easy. If it doesn’t get better, see a neurologist.” 

My online research said take it easy, go slow, don’t overdo…But, life has a way of interrupting all attempts to pace yourself, you know. After 5 months… I got it – I needed professional help. Whenever I overdid, it would set me back to symptom level at Day 1. 

So,  off to a neurologist. Then, things really got interesting. The official phrase is “different professional opinions”… The neurologist said my symptoms were a result of stress and anxiety with a dash of depression. In spite of his “opinion”, I demanded an order for rehab and an MRI (also normal). My therapist taught me to build up gradually.. To NOT push the envelope too much. Then, I ran out of insurance. I still worked on my exercises and hoped that I could continue to improve using what I knew. Things were getting better, but not by much. 

I was scared… and afraid I wouldn’t be able to start rehab before my brain was locked in where it was. It took a year, but I finally got Medicaid … so off to a new neurologist. His “opinion” was a mild TBI, and he warned me it could take YEARS to get SOME things better, but “let’s see what we can do now”. He sent me to Loudoun’s Concussion Rehab Clinic. I ended up with 3 therapists once a week. 

That’s where I learned more about managing the symptoms…

I had to change my “THOU SHALT STOP” limit from a 5 out of 10 to a 1 for doing day-to-day activities… and then rest until I was back down to 0 for pain. IF I was doing rehab, I could go up to a 3, but then had to reset to 0. Once my brain got desensitized from all the previous pushing I did, I had more brain space each day and things really started improving!  Of course, the exercises they gave me might have helped, too.  😉

It showed me that our brains are like a sprained ankle. It’s about inflammation. Pushing too much, too often, slows and can physically damage our progress! If you keep using your ankle as if it’s normal, instead of using a wrap or crutches, you end up having to repair tendons…. Well, we can’t just repair our brain… We have to ease up on the brain and let it work at it’s own speed. Push the envelope gently, but don’t tear it. I got faster and even further that way…. 

What if I CAN’T stop when I hit my limit?  

As soon as I can, I do and rest as long as I need to. I’ll do no-brainers or close my eyes.  But there is always a “benefit”…  I learn something. What to avoid, how to prevent, or even find a workaround. 

One thing I have to do is PLAN FOR HEAVY BRAIN DAYS… I don’t schedule too much the day before and I plan a recovery day afterwards. But, whatever I do…. I do NOT tell anyone! If they want me to do something? “Sorry… I have an appointment” – Cause I do — with myself!

And, I keep monitoring my limits… If I’m having lots of headaches and symptoms and ending up with too many “crash” days…  I adjusted my limits downward. When my insurance ended, I was able to keep going – improving by following that simple tactic. Because that’s what recovery is… Working to conquer the impact of the injury. We can’t necessarily heal ourselves, though neuroplasticity can do that by forging new pathways, but we can reduce the impact by pushing the envelope and coming up with workarounds. Going from not being able to move a finger to moving the finger means that pages in a book can be turned, silverware can be balanced, changing the angle of something to bring it closer to you.  Your quality of life just changed some.

So…  What challenges am I (yes still) working with? 

My brain issues were across the board, but, without any short-term or significant long-term memory loss. Most daily activities were technically doable… unless I run out of brain space. At least until I hit my head again when I lost more balance and had more trouble with fine motor skills. 

One of the most painful issues was (and still is) audio input. My brain can’t filter out words by context, at least not in real-time. People don’t understand that “just ignore them” requires your brain to hear the word to figure out if it’s important, too far away, etc. Talk about stack overflow!!!  It used to be that 5 minutes in waiting rooms, social activities, church had me in a lot of pain. Now I can do an hour or so, if only one or two people are talking int the background at a time… And I also keep very soft new age music in my isolation headphones in public. The more the brain is doing, the more it has to analyze, the more I hurt, and the less I can process things. 

Same with music.  I always used to sing with or listen to songs with words. It was a HUGE part of me…. Yep! … Words!  :-/  Now, I can listen to those for about half an hour, but only about 1 or 2 unfamiliar songs in a row, and there’s still a lot I can’t listen to… It took about 2-1/2 years after my initial injury just to get there. And, I kept reminding myself that even 5 minutes is better than no minutes.  😊 

Speaking is a lot better. At first it was really slow and difficult to talk (sounded like stuttering) trying to retrieve information. I couldn’t construct sentences or find the exact words or information quickly, and sometimes not at all. So, I prepare more for business calls, but, too many questions about facts I didn’t prepare for, and I end up where I can see the concepts but not the words to describe it… I can write – takes a while, but speaking?? not so great. You’ll see in the Q&A.  I can speak pretty well, as long as I practice it 1…2…30 times. 😊

I created THIS little laminated card I keep with my license. One side asks them to be patient and what I have problems with. The other side – what we can do to help them and me.  It really helps dealing with things in person. For the phone, I developed some basic cheats to prevent (or get me out of) trouble. Most important? 

  • “Just a second, I have to get rid of that phone call…” Then I put them on mute and take as long as I need to reset my brain, or organize my thoughts. 

So, I keep a mini pad and pen handy at all times, and remind others (and myself) to slow down… And, if it’s an important call, I’ll have my caseworker, an aide, or a friend on the phone to take notes and keep me on track. I can’t afford to miss something or explain things incorrectly.  Letters or email is better. 

The most personal damage to me was cognitive. I can “work around” the rest, but this was part of the “who I was” impact. I can’t work because the analysis piece went south and isn’t really coming back…. I can work around it some and I have a little bit of the skill that allows me to understand where the challenges are coming from… Sometimes it might take several weeks before I figure it out though, and then I can try to turn that into a work around. Being in public and answering business questions? That’s not changing much at all… Yet…  The other piece is that prioritizing and making decisions with more than two options gets my brain going in a circle trying to sort out dependencies and cause and effect and… 

Thanks to attempting a yoga class, I finally realized that I could do 3 things simultaneously, but the 4th will throw things out the window randomly. Or sometimes will freeze everything with a “brain matter grey” screen of death… 😉

I learned that lots of “it’s easy” things are multi-threaded. For example, making a PB&J sandwich uses exactly 3 threads at the same time. If something falls off the bread, or an outside thought? Yep – either balancing or “where was I” goes out the window. 

You see (1) You are balancing at the counter, (2) using spatial skills to color in the lines, (3) while continually checking to make sure the jelly is even. My workaround? I lean against the counter – no balancing. I can handle things the exceptions. Cutting celery and carrots? An option now, but, I have to be symptom free before I start that. Cooking from scratch still trying to figure out… You can’t lean against the stove, and lots of quick unexpected decisions. Luckily, I get Meals On Wheels. God bless microwaves!

Driving’s the same. I’ve set my limits to familiar places and straight highways with minimal stop lights/intersections. NO rush hour or nights. If I have to go somewhere distant, I add an extra 15 – 30 minutes so that when (not if) my head starts hurting, I can pull over and settle my head before continuing. At least I’m not late or tense when I got there anymore! At this point, I play it safe and use Metro Access or ride sharing so I don’t miss something another driver does.

When I hit my head again about a year later, spatial judgement got worse. Now, even with a cane, I can fall over if there are too many people moving around me, or just uneven sidewalks. So I use my rollator. I like it better, actually… I can look up while I’m walking instead of where I’m putting the cane. Gives me an “up” feeling.  😉

And, I *LOVE* neuroplasticity… I find ways to “kind of” do things I like… I can index records online (slowly) though I can’t figure out family connections.  I kept picking up my guitar once a week as an exercise for my fingers. Just forming chords… It took a couple years, but I can actually play my guitar now… simple chords to familiar songs. And I’ve started exercising my vocal chords again. The other day, I reopened one of my registers so I can sing higher!  I just can’t use a book for words/chords and play the guitar, and sometimes singing and guitar don’t work…. Yet…. 😉  

The key for me, was to go into it knowing it won’t work. Just testing the waters… Doing an exercise… That way it felt more like moving towards, not failing to do. You don’t go into physical therapy thinking you can move your shoulder all the way up on the first visit. 

My advice to others — NEVER stop exercising the things you can’t do… until you hit your stop limit!  Stretch… don’t tear. 

Before I run out of time… 

It IS sad and depressing not being able to do things that were easy.  My generation is defined by our life experiences. You spend 15 or more years becoming someone.. To redefine that? It’s a hard choice, even for normal brains… But, when your brain and body don’t communicate the same way at even basic levels?? There are a lot of automated expectations and habits to undo. It’s terrifying…

For me, about a year into my journey (before rehab), I realized I didn’t even meet my living will criteria to not pull the plug. I couldn’t create, reason, or communicate, not even socially. My life was boring (re-runs and easy books), working on exercises, and not being around people. My 60th birthday party was painful with just my son and his teenage kids over for 45 minutes. 

I struggled with suicide for 6 months, back in 2018. If it weren’t for the fact that my Dad lived with me and needed my care, I wouldn’t still be here. I have struggled with depression all my life. And I knew what I needed to do. I wanted to fix it, but I couldn’t use the tools in my tool box… Listening and singing to upbeat Christian music… driving in the country… 

No matter how bad I wanted to… I was too broken. I couldn’t stop circling the drain. 

Therapy and meds helped, but I spent a lot of time praying for God to let me come home… Eventually I saw it… He gave me an incredible voice and a deep love of music. He would never leave me without being able to at least listen to music with words, however long that might take. THAT I could live with. And I have… Even one minute longer is better than none.

There are still days when it’s rough. It is exhausting to keep positive for everyone else, when I was the one who lost who I was. When outward signs improved, people couldn’t understand that a loss was still there. They can’t see / feel how hard my brain is working just to do that. 

We all need to remember that It’s normal to be sad or depressed for a day, even two… To know that we’re not letting people down (or ourselves) if we aren’t upbeat. 

Well-meaning people keep telling us “don’t dwell on the past”… “look what you can do now”.  While that’s true, the message is that we’re not allowed to grieve. If we lose someone we love, it’s OK to grieve… There are groups for that. But, the person we lost isn’t real enough to grieve for… I can tell you that as long as I let myself grieve when I encounter a painful memory or block it’s less devastating that it was before. The pain gets better, less frequent. And, now I can use those memories to find ways around them, or alternatives that are close to what I did so I can feel like I’m making a contribution… Which is the key to getting through all this…. And, is why I’m here. 

Not everyone feels it as a loss, either, which is OK. It’s great that they have redefined themselves! We will, too… But until then? It’s OK to miss the old person… 

That said… I change out sticky notes and phone wallpapers to remind me that while I may not know what my future is going to look like exactly… it will be better than it is now, no matter how little the change… even just a finger…. 

Trusting that made a difference for me. The baby steps.

Oh… And, learning to ask for help!!! Me???  Getting to groups also made me realize that I’m not alone. No matter how mild my TBI is, I deserve to be there and be counted as a survivor… And, I always pick up a little piece that helps me later.

Hardest thing for me?  I need to remember that it will happen in my brain’s time, not when *I* want it to. 

They say patience is a virtue… I’m still learning how to be virtuous, 😉 but maybe some day…. 

With enough time.  😉 

And being here, is part of that learning.